For Ana - A Letter from Mommy

Hello my darling little daughter! Daddy and I never realized how fulfilled our lives would be until we had children. And more completely having you, a little girl, in addition to Owen, our son, your big brother. You graced our lives on July 31, 2007 at 11:45 pm.. On second thought, you impacted our lives the moment we realized I was pregnant with you! We knew that we wanted to have another child, a sibling for Owen. Owen was and is such a joy, that we wanted to experience that with having another. So far we haven't been disappointed and we have a feeling we never will be!

The fact that we conceived you was a bit of a surprise, and a happy one too. Daddy and I had just started to discuss the idea of having a 2nd child and never thought that getting pregnant could happen so easily especially since it took us 3 years to conceive Owen, and even more so since we hadn't officially "tried" yet to conceive you. I realized I was pregnant with you when, after a trip to Rochester NY with Owen, had severe jetlag that just wouldn't go away and only 2 days "late" which wasn't unusual for me. We were so thrilled. Shocked too, but our excitement and happiness with your impending arrival far outweighed anything else... even the morning sickness (which wasn't a morning thing, but an all day thing for 3 months) Mommy had. It wasn't so much a sickness thing as it was a queasiness, all day, every day. And thankfully, Mommy never lost her cookies. Being pregnant with you was a lot of the same but very different from being pregnant with Owen. With Owen, I had no queasiness whatsoever and had a desire to eat all the good foods, especially citrus. I knew early on that I was having a boy. Toward the end, I gained a lot of water weight and my legs and ankles swelled up pretty badly. Owen wasn't a very active baby in the womb. With both Owen and you, I experienced exhaustion, severe thirst, constant hunger, heartburn and of course, frequent urination. What was different with you was that I had no desire to eat healthy. I craved junk food, especially chocolate! It took every ounce of being I had to eat something healthy and don't worry, I did. But I did give in to my whims and indulged and tried not to go overboard. What was amazing was with all the crap I ate, I gained less weight with you than I did with Owen. I did not swell up and I was more emotionally stable with you. I had absolutely no idea if I was going to have a boy or a girl until the ultrasound told us what we were having. The fact that this pregnancy was so different from our first should have at least given me the idea that possibly it was a girl this time, but it didn't. Whether we were going to have a boy or a girl didn't matter, as long as you were healthy and happy. To find out that you were a girl... and on MY birthday too, was the most amazing gift. I say, your first birthday gift to me was letting me know who you were. I cried. I couldn't believe that I was going to have a daughter! I am truly blessed to have the opportunity to experience having both a son and a daughter in my life. I can say the same for Daddy too. And by golly! You were a mover and a shaker! I took a lot of kicks and abuse from you when you were growing inside of me!

I was nervous about having two children! My concerns for both you and Owen were equal. After almost two years of raising just one child, you get accustomed to that. Throw another one in the mix and there's suddenly a lot of doubts and insecurities about us as parents. How will Owen react to no longer being an only child and accustomed to being the center of attention? How will Mommy and Daddy divide their time between each child? Will Owen feel less loved? Will you feel cheated on love? God, I hope not! Now that you're here and after some adjustment on all our parts, especially Owen's, I have to say that those worries were just that. Worries we didn't need to waste too much time on. True and real love is immesurable and infinite. That's how we feel towards you and Owen.

Your estimated time of arrival was for August 5th. But as you know, you arrived on Tuesday July 31, 2007. And not without some drama. Mommy showed up at the doctor's for an appointment, only to be told that it was actually scheduled for the next day, which was a Wednesday. But the appointment card the receptionist wrote on said Tuesday, Aug. 1, not Wednesday. It was obviously an error on her part but I never questioned it because my appointments with my doctor had always been on Tuesdays. It was such a good thing that I went then because the receptionist, while rescheduling my appointment for the following Friday, had the foresight to ask me how I was doing, how the baby was moving and all that. I was doing fine. Better than fine since my mother, your Grandma M. was in town to help out. In answer to her question about how you were moving around inside of me, I actually had to think about that. I hadn't felt you move since early on that morning which was a little unusual for you. To be on the safe side, the receptionist told me to go to the hospital to be monitored as a precautionary measure - to make sure you were ok. So off to the hospital I went. I went alone thinking this was nothing to be worried about. I was only supposed to be there for an hour at the most, but one hour turned into three and after no movement from you, other than hiccups, the doctor wanted me to check in then and there and induce you. I was having regular but painless contractions the entire time - every 6 to 8 minutes apart. I got nervous. Nervous for your well being and there was no way I was going to question what the doctors wanted me to do. They wanted me to stay and get checked in right away but I convinced them (with a promise that I would return after a couple of hours. They even made me sign an agreement!), to let me go home and wrap up a few loose ends. Since I had driven alone, I wanted to drop off our car and arrive with Daddy. I wanted to spend some time with Owen, his last being an only child. When Daddy and I arrived at the hospital at 9:30 that night, it went so fast from there. The plan was to induce you and go from there. Upon further inspection, the doctors found not only was I 4 cm. dilated (with painless contractions every 6 minutes), you were face-first on your way out into this world. It's not a good way to come through the birth canal as there are a lot of complications that come with that. They tried to turn you around and reposition your head for a smoother exit but apparently you bit the doctor's finger. I guess you liked the view - seeing what you were getting yourself into. In addition to that your heart rate started to become a little erratic but it wasn't too much of a concern. Your position was and Dr. Ubhi (the one who delivered you) strongly recommended that you come via c-section. It was a recommendation that was really, the only choice I had. It really didn't matter to me. I had only your well being at the utmost top of my mind. I was scared, of course, being that a c-section is considered major surgery, but it was all for you and I'll tell you right now, that I wouldn't have done it any differently, and that is confirmed even more because when Dr. Ubhi opened me up to get at you, he discovered that the umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck three times. That alone could have presented a whole other set of problems had you arrived any other way. I didn't have time to get too scared because from the time we checked in at the hospital until the time you were born, everything happened so quickly that I had not had a chance to process anything, which in hindsight, was probably a good thing. It kept me calm. Your daddy was by my side and having him nearby was a tremendous help. I'm proud of him too for being strong as this couldn't have been easy on him either!

After 9 long months, we finally got to see you! What a relief it was to see that you were ok, to hear your first cries, to count all your fingers and toes! And a beautiful baby too! You were a little scrunched up and angry-looking because of where your face was in the first place but I knew that would soon work itself out. When Owen was a baby, he had very light brown, almost blond-ish hair and very blue eyes. He was light skinned. You on the other hand, are a dark beauty, having been born with black hair, dark gray eyes (which I know will turn brown) and a darker complexion. You keep surprising us! I wanted so very much to hold you right away but the doctors were still stitching me up and then I had to go into post-op to recover for at least 2 hours before I could see you again. However, you did get to bond with Daddy because he stayed by your side in the hours immediately after your birth, got to hold you, got to talk and sing to you. I was so jealous! But I wanted him near you and I didn't want you to be alone. I was told by him that you cried pretty much the entire two hours until you tired yourself off and then passed out from sheer exhaustion. I don't remember too much of my recovery immediately after the surgery because I was heavily medicated, but I do remember watching the clock and feeling very anxious because I didn't know what was going on with you. The nurses tried to encourage me to rest but I was on some sort of adrenalin high. The two hours since I last saw you were the longest 2 hours of my life. I was so afraid that I would forget what you looked like but thankfully your dad stopped by and had photos on his cell phone! And when I did finally have you in my arms for the first time, it felt so right, that you were mine. You are mine. My daughter.

That was almost a year ago. In just a few weeks you'll be one year old. Every morning that you wake up and smile at me is a new experience for me. Every time I hold you and look at your precious face, I just completely melt and fall in love with you all over again and again. The love never leaves but grows exponentially each time I see you and hold you. You have the gift of making me smile on sight and you move me to tears. Not of sadness but of overwhelming happiness at how fortunate I am to have you in my life. And of what you and I have to look forward to. There's so much growing up you have to do and I get to be there for that and grow alongside you! What a priviledge that is. I hope to never lose sight of that or to disappoint you or to fail you as a mom. It is my promise to you that I will be here for you through good and bad, through happy and sad for as long as I am around and I hope I'm around for a long time my beautiful little girl with the mesmerizing brown eyes.

All my love,

Mommy